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embarrassing tales page five
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On my birthday a few days ago I went to one of those Brazilian all-you-can-eats where the servers bring a selection of rich meats to your table. So, along with a carafe of coke, you know what this is a recipe for. But, since it was a special occasion I was hell-bent for leather and tried every damn tasty thing and lots of it.
I started bloating on the way home and prayed I'd be able to just get my bum on the throne-with-the-hole in time. The gods were kind this time though I did spray paint the entire toilet bowl a lovely shade of yellow ochre. I spent the rest of the night doing those mucus farts on the can - I guess it was like treating myself to my very own celebratory fireworks display. Happy stinky messy gassy birthday! Good luck to all of you IBS sufferers...
I had been taking fiber supplements for a couple of weeks and felt better than I had for about a year. The normal daily bouts of explosive diarrhea had been replaced by soft mushy stools. So after months of being scared to attend social events, I was newly confident that I could go to a family wedding and be fine...
I dreaded using the toilet, I delayed it as much as I could, but I just had to go...I feared the worst, diarrhea, passing out, all the dreadful embarrassing things that have happened to me before. No, this was a new one on me...After being in the toilet for about half an hour (sweating, crying, clenching every muscle) a perfectly formed enormous stool dropped out. I suppose I had taken that many anti-diarrhea tablets and soluble fiber that I had actually got constipated (for the first time in a year).
I was amazed, and spent a full minute just looking at it.... It filled the bowl, it must have been 12 inches long. I was almost proud (the diarrhea sufferers will understand the joy of a solid stool).
My joy quickly turned to horror, as after flushing the toilet my stool, tall and proud, stood in the bowl still. Three flushes later the thing was still there, mocking me. I didn't know what to do, I had three options (as I thought):
- flush until it's gone (even with a queue of people outside)
- throw it out of the toilet window (hoping that no-one is in the car park)
- put the mammoth stool in my very small handbag.
I didn't like any of these, so, thinking that if gravity was not going to help, sheer force would...I picked up the stool with one hand, shoved it further down the toilet and round the U-bend, then with the other hand flushed and hoped for the best.
It worked...so after washing my hands several times (I still wash them every time I remember this) I was free! I have learnt not to get too confident, even when things are going great!
I was walking home from school one day, and at the time I was 18 years old. I kind of felt like I had to 'go.' But I wasn't worried. I was no more than two blocks from my house when 'Bam' it hit. I felt the urge in a big way and I tried everything to keep it in, but I couldn't: the cramps were too intense and I could feel it coming out and I couldn't fight it. I was grateful that it was only one big stool and not dripping down my legs, but the pants were tight, and you can imagine what that was like. I was able to go home and finish the rest off in the bathroom, but I did have a mess to clean.
Another time was when I was downtown further from home I had had stomach cramps all day and I didn't want to go where I was, because of 'the smell'. I mean no one likes to go in a public place. At first I could tolerate the pain, but it got worse. I just told my peers that I needed to leave early.
I had to take a long bus ride home with transfer buses. For some reason it took longer than usual and I couldn't handle it. Every so often I would almost have to double over in pain and I think everyone around me saw. People were asking me if I was OK, I just responded that I didn't feel good. I made it home just in time to run in the house and run to the bathroom with my pants already down. I couldn't believe I was able to hold it all in for an hour and a half.
I have been suffering from IBS for the past 12 years. The abdominal pain and diarrhea are not too severe especially since I have started using Isogel husk. My main and most embarrassing IBS complaint is incessant passage of gas throughout the day. It is difficult to believe that someone can pass as much gas as me. It is highly foul smelling and has got me into problems in social situations on numerous occasions.
E-mail address: dranilfonseca@REMOVETHISPLEASErediffmail.com