Romances, Riches and Restrooms is a new book which chronicles one man's battle with IBS over a period of 17 years. Tim Phelan was fresh out of college and starting his first full-time job when he drunk a cup of coffee, had to rush to the bathroom, and was never quite the same again. Although he couldn't put a name to the illness until years later, he had begun to suffer from diarrhea-predominant IBS.
Tim vividly recounts stories of desperate diarrhea attacks in all kinds of situations, as well as the unusual solutions he has to come up with to avoid the ultimate humiliation of soiling himself in public. These solutions include using an industrial car park as an impromptu toilet, and relieving himself in a public park while getting filmed by a tourist with a camcorder...
Not surprisingly, Tim quickly develops a real fear of being trapped in situations where he can't use the loo, and this makes him more anxious - which of course makes his IBS worse, which makes him more anxious, and so the vicious circle of IBS is in place.
While Tim is dealing with the nightmare of IBS, he is also trying to establish a career and a personal life. Like many people, he is reluctant to talk about his illness, and his little white lies and avoidance of non-toileted situations quickly lead to problems. Bosses are unimpressed when he skips meetings and refuses to take public transport, and girlfriends are equally dismayed when he won't offer them a lift or alter his plans to accommodate them.
The problem of trying to cope with IBS while at the same time keeping it secret - and so often appearing rude or bizarre to the people around you - was one I particularly identified with. I am sure there are at least a dozen people I have met over the years who would tell you I am arrogant, obnoxious or have an uncontrollable eating disorder, when my behaviour was in fact just down to the demands of IBS.
The people in Tim's life range from the bosses who fire him for his lack of commitment, to the girlfriends who are kind and helpful (at least at first). Some of the reactions he recieves were understandable, and some of them just made me fume. One girlfriend tells Tim that he just needs to face his fears about public transport because "It would be nice if you started to act like a man". Another girl genuinely seems to think that a man who drinks peppermint tea is less worthy of her time than a man who drinks espresso. Yeah, that's a good way to choose a life partner.
On top of the bizarre idea that real men can control their own bowels, no matter how sick they might be, the author also has to put up with amateur doctors ("your symptoms are all in your head", "your symptoms are caused by bacteria"), and perhaps even worse, the people who are so ridiculously uptight about a medical condition involving digestion that they want nothing to do with him because of it. (And I want nothing to do with them.)
To try to escape from the IBS trap Tim starts to try various treatments, using everything from Pepto-bismol and Imodium to enemas and colonics to hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. There is, thankfully, a happy ending to his story.
Romance, Riches and Restrooms is a very well-written, funny and intelligent book that anyone with IBS will identify with. I would highly recommend it to all IBS sufferers. And if I had the power I would make all the loved ones of IBSers read it as well, as it is a fantastic explanation of how IBS can slowly take control of almost all aspects of your life, however successful or intelligent or confident you are when you first start getting symptoms.
Buy Romance, Riches and Restrooms from Amazon.com
Buy Romance, Riches and Restrooms from Amazon.co.uk
Extra note: I forgot to mention that Tim has his own website.
This book is reviewed in the current copy of Gut Reaction, which I feel most of the readers of Sophie's monthly comments will have read. The reviewer - Neil Davey- is sympathetic with his problems and his attitude to them- and writes about Tim's wanderings into complimentary medicine. And how I can empathise with Tim on that 'adventure'. Desperation can force a try at anything - lovely people in the Clinic that I attended, but that is as far as it went - when I came out clutching a minute flask of arsenic - very dilute,of course - my doubts as to this method of appeasement strengthened - to each his own, and it was not for me ! Like Tim, I gave it a try, and after a nasty reaction,decided that it was not for me. I might even consider buying the book - if only for the outer cover as illustrated in Gut Reaction- a gent sitting on a loo - fully clad ! that would good on the coffee table with the assorted tomes on Natural History and travel !! I am sure that Sophie had a good giggle in places, with the comment 'sounds familiar'!! Good luck to Tim, and I hope that his candid book hits home, at those cynics who think it is all in the head.
I might have to have a read, although I believe I could also write my own.. I've had some very, very similar experiences to this. In my time so far, I've slowly managed to make most people close to me, professionally and personally, aware of the issues I face, and because of that, it has made some things easier - and I never, ever bother to try to hide it from prospective girlfriends etc (although in truth, I think I may split up with my current one and it does leave a small pang of fear - of going through the process again, of getting someone to accept and understand it all.. my current one is very good about it) as it can only lead to problems. Even my boss is very good about it, so I'm lucky in that regard. Sophie, can I ask (having read this choice piece...
"I have been winning the Nobel Peace Prize/teaching underprivileged kids how to dream/lying around in my underwear (delete as applicable)."
..what you do professionally? It's just that, as we both live in Southampton, it's possible I might even know you by sigh as it sounds like you maybe work in the same sector as me?
Hi Sophie and Rob! just read Rob's entry - do we three really live in the Southampton area? it would be good to meet up sometime- if so - to put faces behind the postings,and no doubt discuss you-know-what!!! Juliet.
Seems a little strange if so.. Incidentally, I mean Southampton UK, rather than Southampton NY.. in case anyone thought differently..
Yes Rob ! definitely Southampton UK - my postal address is SO32 but this is away out in the sticks.
Inner Avenue for me, SO14..
I just finished reading this book and wow is it good. Although I've been a little more ready to go to doctors and to say no I can't do this or that because it will make me really ill than Tim, I can't say there's a single chapter in it that I've not thought, been there, done that, my god I'm not the only one.(Well apart from dating women that is) It's amazing how not being the only person in the universe to wonder how many times you are going to go to the loo before you can set foot outside with confidence or neurotically identifying toilets when you step into a building makes you feel so much better even though the situation hasn't changed. Ah the morbid curiousity of the homo sapien...
Like Sophie, Tim doesn't make this condition seem like a continuous moan about bowels but a more positive spin on the condition which impresses me considering how low I'm sure we all get at times. I know if I wrote a book on it, it would be a screaming tirade against life, the universe and everything for lumbering me with this huge pain in the ar...neck.
My recommendation is to beg borrow or steal (well maybe not steal) to get your hands on a copy and read it (especially if you are stuck in porcelain solitary confinement for a bit). A worthwhile use of time.