A new luxury loo called WC1 has opened in London, and for a mere five pounds a time you can experience the joys of a high-class toilet.
“A world away from the hustle and bustle of Oxford Street is WC1, the ultimate ladies’ convenience. A glamorous urban sanctuary, WC1 is the world’s first one-million-pound powder room. It has been designed with impeccable hygiene and the pursuit of beauty in mind.
A grand crystal chandelier is suspended over an elegant table. Vases are filled with beautiful blooms. The hand basins are luxurious; the air, fresh and pure. Individual air extractors preserve the perfect ambiance, and loos are sterilised and hygienically sealed after each visit.”
What a complete load of old bollocks. In fact, all of the stupid taboos and euphemisms which surround toilet functions are utter rubbish.
All this restroom, bathroom, ladies’ room, powder room NONSENSE just makes us think there’s something wrong with us for having to poop – we mustn’t talk about it, mustn’t mention it in polite company. We must talk about relieving ourselves and washing our hands and spending a penny, because if we actually just said “I am now going off to take a crap” the whole world would fall apart.
We don’t need any more ladies’ loos that are pretending to be glamorous – what we need is a loo that is proud of its own earthy purpose.
“Welcome to the crapper”, says the sign over the doorway. “Come in and have a poop, everyone welcome”. The cubicles are private but not obsessively so, and patrons are actively encouraged to fart as loudly as possible, possibly to power some kind of wind turbine.
Prizes are given for the most spectacular crap, and anyone who spends more than 20 minutes in a cubicle emerges to the sound of automated applause and takes a bow.
In other words, we stop being so afraid of embarrassment, and start acting like adults about a bodily function that every single human being since the beginning of time has experienced. And we make sure that pooping is free!
